#eli

...now Eli was my new neighbor. Which was fine with me because I sucked at Math. Math and I were not on speaking terms. ↗

— Shelly Crane

#humor #math #humor

You know what's really freaky? Wes segues. "The fact that the psycho in question was the same guy who was after Debbie Marcus." The whole fiasco with Debbie Marcus had happened at around the same time that I was getting stalked. But instead of taking her seriously, people chalked her stories up to pranks and practical jokes, concluding that Debbie had gotten paranoid as a result. But there was obviously a lot more to it. "Actually, its not nearly as freaky as the fact that Camelia decided to go to the psycho's house without even calling us first," Kimmie says. "I already told you guys, I didn't have my phone." "And you've obviously never heard of a collect call," Wes says. "Nor have you heard of nine-one-one." Kimmie's barbell-pierced eyebrow rises high. "Because I hear that's free as well. ↗

— Laurie Faria Stolarz

#deadly-little-voices #humor #kimmie #wes #humor

He's attracted to the smell of manure," Felicity says. "You might wallow in the stables to bring out the full flower of his love. ↗

— Libba Bray

#humor #libba-bray #rebel-angels #humor

I don't believe in ONE holy book. I believe all books are holy. Of course, some books are holy shit. ↗

— John R. Lindensmith

#literature #religion #humor

There is no reason to regard God as immune from consideration along the spectrum of probabilities. And there is certainly no reason to suppose that, just because God can be neither proved nor disproved, his probability of existence is 50 per cent. ↗

— Richard Dawkins

#religion #science #humor

Thank you sir," she said. "I hope that your friend feels better soon." I shrugged. "The ways of the Lord" I said, "are often dark, but never pleasant. ↗

— Robert B. Parker

#humor #religon #spenser #humor

Belief sloshes around in the firmament like lumps of clay spiralling into a potter's wheel. That's how gods get created, for example. They clearly must be created by their own believers, because a brief resume of the lives of most gods suggests that their origins certainly couldn't be divine. They tend to do exactly the things people would do if only they could, especially when it comes to nymphs, golden showers, and the smiting of your enemies. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#religion #humor

I'm here to tell you, there ain't much forgiveness in that old-time religion. That particular savior was a mean son of a bitch. If you sinned, honey, he was going to get you, no doubt about it. ↗

— Ava Gardner

#forgiveness #god #humor #religion #sin

I may not always walk the straight and narrow, but I sure in hell try to cross it as often as I can. ↗

— J. Golden Kimball

#religion #humor

I love you. Remember. And someday, I will find you again. ↗

— Lauren Oliver

#delirium #lena #love