#eli

Jack didn’t fully get Jesus. Audrey tried to explain it, and he could repeat it back to her, word for word, but he still didn’t comprehend most of it. The best he could gather was that Jesus lived long ago, told people to be nice, and they killed him for it. At the end, he asked who was Jesus’ necromancer and if he was in the Bible, then Kaldar couldn’t stop laughing and had to sit down. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #jesus #joke #necromancer #religion

When we passed a Catholic church, I recalled, he said, "You think your dad's a good chemist? They're turning soda crackers into meat in there. Can your dad do that? ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#religion #humor

Love and magic have a great deal in common. They enrich the soul, delight the heart. And they both take practice. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#common #deal #delight #enrich #great

Jehovah's Witness are welcomed into my home...You gotta respect anybody who gets all dressed up in Sunday clothes and goes door-to-door on days so hot their high heels sink a half-inch into the pavement. The trick is to do all the talking yourself. Pretty soon, they'll look at their watches and say, 'Speaking of end times, wouldja look at what time it is now! ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#religion #humor

Are there any religions on your list that include the slaughter of noblemen as a holy duty? ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor #religion #humor

Any civilization where the main symbol of religious veneration is a tool of execution is a bad place to have children. ↗

— Charles Stross

#humor #religion #humor

The Reformer is always right about what's wrong. However, he's often wrong about what is right. ↗

— G.K. Chesterton

#christianity #humor #protestantism #reformation #religion

He die one day, and then he go above of my head to live with your father." He weared the long hair, and after he died, the first day he come back here for to say hello to the peoples." He nice, the Jesus. ↗

— David Sedaris

#religion #humor

An eternity of wishing to speak directly to my Creator - I thought in despair - and this is how He finally contacts me? Through AOL Instant Messenger? ↗

— A.M. Jenkins

#religion #humor

loneliness can fly a helicopter through a cut-out shape of a helicopter the same size as the helicopter and that's it's only skill and it isn't good enough but it's still amazing. ↗

— Tao Lin

#loneliness #poetry #skill #humor