#end

Love is like the human appendix. You take it for granted while it's there, but when it's suddenly gone you're forced to endure horrible pain that can only be alleviated through drugs. ↗

— Reverend Jen

#drugs #humor #love #simile #humor

Here's to our enduring sisterhood. May it bind us together more tightly that the Lycra in my Spanx underpants. ↗

— Susan McBride

#humor #humor

If it winds up earlier, you should have a movie picked out. This is assuming she isn’t sending you the ‘let’s go back to my place’ signals. In that case—” “Don’t go there, Bob. Let’s just not go there. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#friendships #funny #humor #friendship

Who knows himself a braggart, let him fear this, for it will come to pass that every braggart shall be found an ass. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#ass #braggart #bragging #humility #humor

But just to make sure, I went down to the library, switched on the computer and typed ‘vampire vs. werewolf fight winner’ into the Google search browser. The machine whirred for zero point twenty-three seconds before it came up with some four million results. Obviously, I wasn’t the only nutter interested in this stuff. I clicked on the first link and groaned. Over sixty per cent thought a werewolf would kick a vamp’s ass any time. Dammit! ↗

— Jayde Scott

#bewitched #humor #jayde-scott #humor

She raised a sharp eyebrow at him. "Vlad, no offense, but look at you. If you're not a vampire, you're clearly the most anemic goth I've ever seen."... "We believed you. Because that's what friends do." pg267 October to Vlad ↗

— Heather Brewer

#friends #goth #humor #october #vampire

As Jack began to climb the stairs, Fiona looked up at her new home. Five stories of stately mansion rose above her head. Heavy molding around the large windows and doors bespoke a quality and craftsmanship that was obvious even in the dim night. “Good God! It’s massive!” Jack paused with his foot on the last step. “I do wish you’d keep those comments until we are in bed, love. I would appreciate them all the more there. ↗

— Karen Hawkins

#sexual-innuendos #humor

You know, there are several gay men on the faculty. Professor Montag makes jelly beans look colorless(...) ↗

— Tara Lain

#gender-stereotypes #homosexuality #humorous #humor

I can see that an insufficent, or perhaps even defective, socialization process has led you to believe that four-letter words add power to languauge ↗

— Preston and Child

#humor #pendergast #preston #still-life-with-crows #humor

Madelyne, we're married now. 'Tis a usual occurrence to bed one's wife on the wedding night. ↗

— Julie Garwood

#humor #julie-garwood #romance #humor