#foot

Yes, yes, I know all the jokes. What else could I have expected at Highbury? But I went to Chelsea and to Tottenham and to Rangers, and saw the same thing: that the natural state of a football fan is bitter disappointment, no matter what the score. ↗

— Nick Hornby

#sport #nature

I challenge you to find a more innocuous sentence containing the words sperm, suction, swallow, and any homophone of seaman. And then call me up on the homophone and read it to me. ↗

— Mary Roach

#humor #science #science

Man, when you lose your laugh you lose your footing. ↗

— Ken Kesey

#laugh #lose #man #you #your

The shadow proves the sunshine. ↗

— Switchfoot

#switchfoot #miracles

You know what your problem is, Justina? You're in desperate need of a good shag. "Not that I'm offering you one myself, mind. My days as a whore ended back in the seventeen hundreds." The gin was abruptly sucked back into my lungs as I gasped. He did not just tell my mother about his former profession; sweet Jesus, let me have heard incorrectly! I hadn't, and Bones went right on. "... But I have a friend who owes me a favor and he could be persuaded to... Kitten, are you all right?" I'd stopped breathing as soon as he casually admitted to his prior occupation. Add that to the liquid stuck in my lungs, and no, I wasn't all right. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#night-huntress #one-foot-in-the-grave #jesus

You called her Kitten? And she let you? She put me in a coma for three days when I called her that! My balls never recovered from her smashing them into my spine! ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #foot #grave #juan #kitten

Do you know what you’ve done?” I asked in a bland tone. Annette gave me an inquiring look. “You’ve gotten on my last nerve.” The table went crashing into her before she could blink, and then my fist found a home in her perfectly arranged hair. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #foot #grave #one #cat

He gave the body a final kick and then turned to face me. “You and I need to talk, Kitten.” “Now?” I asked in disbelief, gesturing to the dead vampire near his feet. “It’s not like he’s going anywhere, so yeah. Now. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #foot #grave #one #cat

Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can't ↗

— Jerry Rice

#accomplishments

When I meet a European, the first thing I say is, “I’d much rather watch football than football.” But I’m just teasing them, and they know I’d really rather watch football than football. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#europe #european #football #soccer #absurd