#funny

A blanket could be used as a lovely rug, a rug that just so happens to be covering a large hole, you should really feel this rug! ↗

— Nicole McKay

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out. ↗

— George Brett

#sports #funny

An understanding washed over Darren. “You plan on me running.” “For many, many years.” The crooked smile on Trent’s mouth sent a shiver throughout my body. He was utterly dangerous when he wanted to be. - Vampyre Kisses ↗

— Elizabeth J. Kolodziej

#the-last-which-series #vampires #vampyre-kisses #werewolf #witches

Henry Denton: You Brits really don't have a sense of humor do you? Elsie: We do if something's funny, sir. ↗

— Julian Fellowes

#humor #funny

I'm English. We're about as tactful as a hot poker up the bum, most of the time. ↗

— L.H. Thomson

#funny #giggles #humor #funny

Okay, but would you say between us we have the combined IQ of at least a garden slug? ↗

— Norah Wilson

#humor #slugs #funny

Sorry for your loss' Gordan said.His extended hand was immediately rejected with an if-looks-could-kill stare from Shelly's father, who was, as of yet, oblivious to the fact that we had stolen the last of his daughter. 'Right. Well,fuck you too. ↗

— Ty Roth

#so-shelly #funny

During these mad dashes to the wall phone in the kitchen she hadn't time to fall but with fantastical grace and dexterity wrenched herself upright in midfall and continued running (dogs whimpering, yapping hysterically in her wake, cats scattering wide-eyed and plume-tailed) before the telephone ceased it's querulous ringing--though frequently she was greeted with nothing more than a derisive dial tone, in any case. ↗

— Joyce Carol Oates

#funny

Dog love is blind. For that matter, dog love is stupid. ↗

— Rob Sheffield

#funny

I know what you mean. I usually take it out on my older sister. You can lease her for a weekend or something if you need a psychological punching bag. I'll even give you a discount. ↗

— Hayden Thorne

#siblings #funny