#ge

I felt like that character in Flowers for Algernon. Not Charlie, the lady teacher from the college who realizes, 'I've got to stop dry-humping this mentally challenged guy! ↗

— Tina Fey

#flowers-for-algernon #humor #humor

A brick could be used as a doorstop. But that’s obvious. What isn’t obvious is why somebody would want to stop a door, since doors represent openness. What is that person hiding behind that door that they want to stop people from opening it up? I don’t know, but it’s got to be diabolical, and if anything is to be stopped, it’s not the door—it’s the evil plan by the Door Master to take over the world.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

... the story of my marriage, which is the great joy and astonishment of my life, is too much like a fairy tale, the German kind, unsweetened by Disney. ↗

— Ann Patchett

#marriage #humor

There's a fine mascara line between genius and insanity ↗

— Josh Stern

#humor

For it was intelligence that was the thin line between endearing rapscallion and idiot bastard. - Éibhear the Contemptible ↗

— G.A. Aiken

#intelligence #humor

I only know everything if you ask the right questions. ↗

— Doc Coleman

#knowledge #wisdom-quote #humor

Intelligence is the capacity to know what we are doing and instinct is just instinct. The results are about the same. ↗

— Will Cuppy

#consciousness #humor #intelligence #humor

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. ↗

— Jimmy Durante

#marriage #humor

I’ll accompany you too, fair lady,” said Reven. “I would fain meet your grandmother.” “You would what?” said Elfwyn. “He means he’d like to,” said Jinx. Some of the books in Simon’s house used old-fashioned words like that. ↗

— Sage Blackwood

#humor #humor

I consider myself to be apretty good judge of people...That's why I don't like any of them. ↗

— Roseanne Barr

#judge #people #humor