#go

Stand your ground!" Stheno yelled. "I've got free samples! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#euryale #gorgon #heroes-of-olympus #humor #medusa

How touching. I think I'm gonna throw up. ↗

— Joss Stirling

#sarcasm-humor #humor

The first thing you find out when yer dog learns to talk is that dogs don't got nothing much to say. About anything. "Need a poo, Todd." "Shut up, Manchee." "Poo. Poo, Todd." "I said shut it. ↗

— Patrick Ness

#knife-of-never-letting-go #manchee #todd #humor

You make me sound like an arrogant ass," he said. "Are you?" "No! I'm just me. ↗

— P.C. Cast

#dragon #funny #humor #funny

If we assume that man actually does resemble God, then we are forced into the impossible theory that God is a coward, an idiot and a bounder. ↗

— H.L. Mencken

#humor #humor

Never underestimate the allure of the Goodwill. ↗

— Stacey Jay

#humor #shopping #humor

Fearghus entered what he now considered her chamber, but immediately ducked the book flung at his head. Clearly she’d been waiting for him. And she was not happy. “He’s the one supposed to be helping me,” she roared at him. “Did you just throw a book at me? In my own den?” “Yes. And I’d throw it again!” Fearghus scratched his head in confusion. He’d never met a human brave enough—or stupid enough, depending on your point of view—to challenge him. “But,” he croaked out, amazed, “I’m a dragon.” “And I have tits. It means nothing to me! ↗

— G.A. Aiken

#humor #humor

The good news is there's no devil. The bad news is there's no heaven. There's nothing. ↗

— Kerry Packer

#bad news #devil #good #good news #heaven

I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. ↗

— Arnold Palmer

#called #eraser #game #golf #golf game

You have the effrontery to be squeamish, it thought at him. But we were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless and terrible. But this much I can tell you, you ape – the great face pressed even closer, so that Wonse was staring into the pitiless depths of his eyes – we never burned and tortured and ripped one another apart and called it morality. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#dark-humor #dragons #morality #humor