#gr

That's the funny thing about America--the blessed thing. As many people as there are to hold you back, there are angels whose humanity makes up for all the others. I've had my share of angels. ↗

— Abraham Verghese

#funny

Woman was domesticated so that man could be tamed. When will we unite and rise up against the livestock? ↗

— Bauvard

#domesticity #funny #humor #livestock #love

Ialways think it's funny when Indians celebrate Thanksgiving. I mean, sure, the Indians and Pilgrims were best friends during the first Thanksgiving, but a few years later, the Pilgrims were shooting Indians. So I'm never quite sure why we eat Turkey like everybody else. (101) ↗

— Sherman Alexie

#indian #irony #pilgram #thanksgiving #funny

His handsome face is suffused with rage. He stands before me shaking, then to my disgust, bursts into noisy tears; "I shall tell my mother of you!" he sobs and crashes out of the chamber ↗

— Alison Weir

#funny #guilford-dudley #innocent-traitor #jane-grey #funny

He looked at her defiantly, and she thought: and so one at a time we all become human—human werewolves, human dwarfs, human trolls …the melting pot melts in one direction only, and so we make progress. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #progress #funny

Got plans for the rest of the day?" I looked back at him and my heart just stopped. Then it just started again thudding erratically. What the hell does that mean? I feel like I'm having a heart attack. "No plans," I whispered. Test drive your mattress? Let me pretend to be a Skittle and you can taste my rainbow? Fifty Shades me? Please! Oh, holy horror, I'm freaking losing it. ↗

— Christine Zolendz

#grace #shane-maxton #funny

Bombs Away!" he yelled, swooping low over StregaSchloss. He saw little figures on the ground fleeing from the large green projectile that was speeding their way. "And a direct hit, if I'm not mistaken," he observed to himself. With a tremendous slapping sound, Ffup's digestive overload landed on a human target. There was a scream, a ghastly choking sound, and then silence. ↗

— Debi Gliori

#gross #hilarious #humor #funny

We didn’t-?” I whisper, my mouth drying in mortified horror as I can’t complete the question. I stare at my hands. “Anastasia, you were comatose. Necrophilia is not my thing. I like my women sentient and receptive,” he says dryly. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia #anastasia-steele #christian #christian-grey #e-l-james

It's because I'm pregnant, Christian." He snorts, and his mouth twists into an ironic smile. "If I knew getting you knocked up was going to make you eat, I might have done it earlier. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia-grey #anastasia-steele #christian #christian-grey #e-l-james

Autobiography is the most objective genre of historical fiction there is. I would consider it a scientific method, but as it doesn’t involve making hypotheses it is far more accurate. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #objectivity #science #funny