#ham

Mother, you have my father much offended. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#hamlet #sassy #shakespeare #funny

POLONIUS My lord, the queen would speak with you, and presently. HAMLET Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in shape of a camel? POLONIUS By th'mass, and 'tis like a camel indeed. HAMLET Methinks it is like a weasel. POLONIUS It is backed like a weasel. HAMLET Or like a whale? POLONIUS Very like a whale. HAMLET Then I will come to my mother by and by. - They fool me to the top of my bent. - I will come by and by. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#hamlet #idiot #mad #funny

His whole life was a sham, a fairy tale. The truth hidden behind a wall of lies, each lie another brick in the wall until he probably couldn't see the truth anymore. ↗

— Shaun Jeffrey

#fairy-tale #lies #sham #truth #wall

The pain and shame felt are unknown to those with planned vacations. They know not of the tsunami that rescinded the homes, goals, and hopes of its victims—swallowed by the sea of greed. ↗

— John-Talmage Mathis

#greed #pain #shame #home

Imagine this guy hits Mike Hammer over the head with a wooden coathanger and knocks him out. You hit Mike Hammer over the head with a wooden coathanger, he'll beat the crap out of you. ↗

— Mickey Spillane

#crap #guy #hammer #head #him

Jef-f, Dun-Ham, dot com!! ↗

— Jeff Dunham

#jeff-dunham #humor

For people who like that kind of thing, this is the kind of thing they like. ↗

— Max Beerbohm

#misattributed-abraham-lincoln #humor

Bathroom, huh? OK.’ she tittered nervously. ‘I’ll carry you. Just don’t pee on me.’ Helen laughed gratefully. Aridane was making an embarrassing situation as humorous as possible so Helen would feel more comfortable. It was something Claire would have done. Helen was still embarrassed, but with a few jokes and little bit of tact they both made it through. ↗

— Josephine Angelini

#helen-hamilton #humor

What the hell?” I muttered. Then I realized it was Jack Quinn’s car. Jack was a Hound and Bea’s boyfriend. The left blinker flashed on for just a second, and then Jack drove at speed again. “Zayvion, I’m sorry to tell you I think I have a crush on another man.” “Who is this unfortunate and soon-to-be-dead fool?” he asked. “Jack. That’s his car. He must have been waiting for us, or maybe he followed us.” “Jack Quinn has been following us?” Shame said. “And now he’s taking us to Collins, I think.” “Or a trap,” Shame said. “He’s a Hound, Shame.” “My statement stands.” “You still don’t get it, do you?” I turned left, following the car. “Hounds are loyal. Jack and Bea told me they’d help me if they could. They’re not going to turn against me while I’m in trouble.” “What happens when you’re not in trouble?” Shame asked. “Don’t know. It’s never happened. ↗

— Devon Monk

#humor #shame #humor

Does a rake deserve to possess anything of worth, since he chases everything in skirts and then imagines he can successfully hide his shame by slandering [women in general]? ↗

— Christine de Pizan

#double-standards #gender #hypocrisy #immorality #men