#hi

Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys--either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right. ↗

— Eugene Mirman

#relationships #sports #humor

Kelly looked at the cop, then sighed. “What a cluster. I take it you haven’t been killing young women and leaving their half-eaten bodies in the desert?” Adam was ticked. I could tell it even if he was looking like a reasonably calm businessman. Adam’s temper was the reason he wasn’t one of Bran’s werewolf poster boys. When angered, he often gave in to impulses he wouldn’t otherwise have given in to. “Sorry to disappoint you,” Adam told Kelly in silky tones. “But I prefer rabbits. Humans taste like pork.” And then he smiled. Kelly took an involuntary step backward. Tony gave Adam a sharp look. “Let’s not make things worse, if we can help it, gentlemen. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#humor #mercy-thompson #silver-borne #tastes-like-chicken #tony

I wondered what he would have thought if he'd known that I'd gleaned most of my information from reading historical romance novels. ↗

— Nicole Luiken

#humor #wit #humor

Nothing of importance happened today. ↗

— King George III

#history #humor #humor

Out of curiosity, when do I grow up and become a fullfledged man with a penis?” “When words like ‘hump day’ don’t make you giggle like a twelve-year-old,” he retorted, blowing smoke my way. “Wow, that long? ↗

— Dani Alexander

#growing-up #humor #hump-day #humor

My love is expansive. Your love is expensive.  ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#expansive #expensive #funny #humor #life

I feel like I might start crying and that I'm going to cry pee. ↗

— John Green

#humor #leaving #paper-towns #pee #young-adult

Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and something called relationships. ↗

— Sacha Baron Cohen

#love #relationships #sex #humor

You should go into every relationship as a brick and not a blanket. ↗