#hip

Sometimes I wonder if we're livin' in the same land. Why do you wanna be my friend when I feel like a juggler running out of hands? ↗

— Elvis Costello

#friendship

Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#drink #drinking #entrepreneur #entrepreneurship #funny

I will never deny that life isn't fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and a jerk. ↗

— Criss Jami

#funny #humor #humor-relationships #independence #jerk

Alright, good night,” he said, his words a little slurred. “But before I pass out, I want you to know that you’re the hottest biscuit this side of the gravy boat. ↗

— Erin McCarthy

#funny #hot #humor #love #relationships

I want to write a song about retaliation called, "Oh Yeah, and I Faked Every Orgasm...While You Were Out of Town. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #relationships #retaliation #revenge

One never owns a book. It sits on your shelf in a fine edition like a piece of furniture, and you are its admiring ward until it flies off from you in a time of financial hardship. If it is a tattered paperback, she is your casual mistress you use a few times. If you have read it a hundred times then it is your wife, and a source of infinite mystery. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #libraries #ownership #funny

This is me.’" He handed her the precious scrap of paper. ‘Call me or I’ll call you, but one of us will call, yes? What I mean is it’s not a competition. You don’t lose if you phone first ↗

— David Nicholls

#relationship #humor

...And friends abroad must bear in mind Friends at home they leave behind. Oh, I shall be stiff and cold When I forget you, hearts of gold; The land where I shall mind you not Is the land where all's forgot. And if my foot returns no more To Teme nor Corve nor Severn shore, Luck, my lads, be with you still By falling stream and standing hill, By chiming tower and whispering tree, Men that made a man of me. About your work in town and farm Still you'll keep my head from harm, Still you'll help me, hands that gave A grasp to friend me to the grave. ↗

— A.E. Housman

#friends #friendship #help #home #memory

Lovers do things together! They rent videos, they ride Ferris wheels, they go out for pizza, they play Scrabble. They . . . they talk!' 'Talk?' He lifted his head and frowned, his eyes puzzled. 'We talk all the time, Raine. I've never had such talkative sex.' 'That's just it!' She wiggled, flailed, but couldn't budge him. 'Two minutes alone with you, and I'm flat on my back. Every single time!' A slow, knowing grin spread over his face. 'Is this your way of telling me you want to be on top? ↗

— Shannon McKenna

#humor #relationships #sex #funny

I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show. ↗

— George Carlin

#childhood #hip #humor #strippers #humor