#hon

She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her.  ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#believe #bizarre #funny #honest #honesty

Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #profitable #selling #steal #funny

...Neferet fell smack on her butt. ↗

— P.C. Cast

#hon #funny

Speaking of… does this mean you get your phone back?” I shrug. “I don’t really want that phone back. I’m hoping my whipped boyfriend will get me an iPhone for Christmas. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#dean-holder #funny #hopeless #iphone #sky-and-dean

People say that you always have to tell the truth. But they do not mean this because you are not allowed to tell old people that they are old and you are not allowed to tell people if they smell funny or if a grown-up has made a fart. And you are not allowed to say, 'I don't like you,' unless that person has been horrible to you. ↗

— Mark Haddon

#funny

He begged to know to which of his fair cousins the excellency of its cookery was owing. Briefly forgetting her manners, Mary grabbed her fork and leapt from her chair onto the table. Lydia, who was seated nearest her, grabbed her ankle before she could dive at Mr. Collins and, presumably, stab him about the head and neck for such an insult. ↗

— Seth Grahame-Smith

#honour #pride-and-prejudice-and-zombies #funny

Love is honesty. Love is a mutual respect for one another. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#love #respect #love

I feel like someone who has a parade named in their honor, and doesn’t get invited. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#honor #humor #parade #funny

Hang your merit. I don't seek anyone's approbation. ↗

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

#approval #black-humor #disapproval #dishonesty #funny

What you do is so loud, I can't hear what you say." Anonymous ↗