#hum

Who wouldn't want to see some owl eggs?" I said, "Come on then, they are down here." He said, "Tallulah, the answer to who wouldn't want to see some owl eggs is... me!!!! ↗

— Louise Rennison

#humor

We'll let our friends be the peacekeepers and the great country called America will be the pacemakers. ↗

— George W. Bush

#friends #humor #pacemaker #peacemaker #humor

Never let other people bring you down let Jesus be the one who brings you down, because he knows what he is doing ↗

— Skye Daphne

#humor #insperational-story #romance #science-fiction #humor

The thought of talking about it made Pueblo's gut ache, but then he thought of everything that Amy had been through – not that she'd told him her version yet. She had balls of steel, he thought with a smile. And what did he have? Three pairs of loin cloths going crisp on the radiator. ↗

— Dianna Hardy

#bravery #hero #heroine #humor #humour

By the way, don’t you think shoving a light bulb up baby Jesus’ butt and plugging it in is just a little sacrilegious? ↗

— Dana Marie Bell

#humor

Did you have a good nap?" Emil asked. "Yeah, I guess I was tired. I need to practice resting when I go on vacations instead of getting stressed out." "Why are you stressed?" Emil Asked, perplexed. This question confirmed it for me, guys really are idiots. ↗

— Angela Corbett

#humor

When I awoke it was daylight. The inside of my tent was coated in a curious flaky rime, which I realized after a moment was all of my nighttime snores, condensed and frozen and pasted to the fabric, as if into a scrapbook of respiratory memories. ↗

— Bill Bryson

#humor

Chickens have an uncanny sense of direction. ↗

— Daniel Pinkwater

#humor

Stupid English." "English isn't stupid," I say. "Well, my English teacher is." He makes a face. "Mr. Franklin assigned an essay about our favorite subject, and I wanted to write about lunch, but he won't let me." "Why not?" "He says lunch isn't a subject." I glance at him. "It isn't." "Well," Jacob says, "it's not a predicate, either. Shouldn't he know that? ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#grammar #humor #school #humor

Thank you for that, boy genius! Where did you graduate from? Hogwarts School for the Mentally Unbalanced? ↗

— Leia Shaw

#paranormal-romance #humor