#hum

From: Christian Grey Subject: &*%$&*&* Date: August 23 2011 11:23 To: Anastasia Grey Believe me when I say there are a great many things he'd like to do to your ass right now. Firing you is not one of them. Christian Grey CEO & Ass man, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia #anastasia-grey #anastasia-steele #ass #assman

Нет заботы беспрерывнее и мучительнее для человека, как, оставшись свободным, сыскать поскорее того, перед кем поклониться. ↗

— Dostoevsky

#nature

Does speed dating necessarily end up in a quickie divorce....? ↗

— Josh Stern

#divorce-humor #speed #speed-dating-quickie #dating

Without making a conscious decision to do so, Drew grabbed a fistful of her ridiculous blond wig and tugged. Some of her hair came with it and he felt a moment of satisfaction when she howled. Bianca’s real hair was a matted mess against her head. He looked at the wig in his hand and moved his gaze to the water fountain. Bianca’s eyes widened. “Don’t do it. Don’t you dare.” “Don’t do what? Don’t do this?” He dangled the wig above the fountain. She raised her hands and crept toward him. “Just give it back, Drew, and we’ll be even. Okay?” “Aaawww, is Bianca getting worried? Poor baby.” “Come on.” “Say you’re sorry.” He shook it up and down. “What? No way.” With a shrug, he tossed the wig into the water fountain. ↗

— Lindy Zart

#humor #romance #dating

Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are ↗

— Josh Stern

#date #figs #humor #moronic #rape

If the second date seems to be going well, it's pretty much a given that by dessert I'll renounce my faith ↗

— Josh Stern

#faith #humor #pretty #renounce #second-date

I'm dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ. We worshiped a God named Sashatiba, who had five eyes, including one on the Adam's apple. ↗

— David Sedaris

#religion #dating

So, the date was on. I’d tell Zayvion I had a chaperone. Maybe he could help me figure it out. ↗

— Devon Monk

#dating

Ich war erfolgreich, sah ganz vernünftig aus und ich hielt mich an sich für einen liebenswerten Menschen. Ich hatte eine Kontaktanzeige nicht nötig. Im Gegenteil, mir lagen die Männer sozusagen zu Füßen. Zwar lauter Idioten, aber immerhin. Mir lagen die Männer zu meinen verdammten Füßen! ↗

— Drei Dates ins Chaos Ebook

#humor #liebe #männer #dating

As a wise Pug once said, all you need is love, kibble and a de-worming tablet every three to six months. ↗

— Gemma Correll

#pugs #dating