#hum

I am looking at you and you are looking at me. This is very good. I am looking and I am liking. You are looking and you are thinking, 'I hope she doesn't hit me with her crop.' But that is because I am me and you are you. ↗

— Louise Rennison

#humor

Take it easy, Norman. When the psychiatrist goes crazy, it's a bad sign. ↗

— Michael Crichton

#humor

Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it in summer school ↗

— Josh Stern

#forget #history #humor #school #summer

A lot of people don't think my brother has a temper. It's like they assume I somehow sucked up the entire quota of "cranky," and now Shaun's perpetually cheery and ready for a challenge while I glower at people from behind my sunglasses and plot the downfall of the Western world. ↗

— Mira Grant

#humor

Oh, cock! ↗

— James May

#humor

Why Banning Miller, what a vision you are in your fine dress. Must've taken a dozen slaves a dozen days to get you into that getup. 'Course, your daddy tells me it takes the space of a schoolboy's wink to get you out of it again. ↗

— Jane Espenson

#humor

(T)here was a story they used to tell at home about a girl whose punishment was that every time she opened her mouth, snakes and toads came out, snakes and toads with every word. The book didn't say what she did about it, but I've always assumed she probably ended up keeping her mouth shut. ↗

— Thomas Mann

#humor

A good editor is like a pair of Spanx: firming up the body, making the subject look good, and absolutely invisible. ↗

— Sandi Layne

#humor

Am I bothered? Am I bothered though. I ain't doing nothing cause I ain't bothered. ↗

— Catherine Tate

#catherine-tate #comedian #humor #lauren-cooper #humor

Say, darling, I'm giving you this wonderful present, it's a machine that eats at one end and shits out the other, it's going to run for fifteen years, give or take, merry fucking Christmas. ↗

— Stephen King

#humor