#hum

Love is wealth, and the wealthy get taxed heavily. The universe is God’s welfare system, and communion is like standing in line for food stamps. When I get to the front, I’m chugging the wine. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #money #food

The world is a state of mind, so choose your profession according to your state, because a lot of governments kill intellectuals ↗

— Benson Bruno

#government #humor #intellectuals #funny

I am not sure if women are attracted to genius. Can you imagine the wise wizard winning the woman over the gallant swordsman? It seems rather otherworldly in more ways than one. ↗

— Criss Jami

#attraction #fantasy #funny #funny-but-true #gallant

I'd like to thank William the conqueror for the Normandy Conquest. Because of him I've been speaking French every time I say the pledge of allegiance on D-day. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #language #normandy #funny

Promiscuous clone-love is the only way to realize the maxim, ‘love your neighbor as yourself. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #humor #love #funny

Geniuses that point the way exist in abundance, but mediocrity's true prophet has yet to emerge. We may not be able to choose a direction to go, but at least we’re still walking around. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#genius #humor #idiots #funny

Form a sacred bond. That way if your government one doesn't get repaid, you'll have something to pawn. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #lover #funny

There are too many books, so I’m writing one that’s flame resistant. I’m putting it on the shelf of my next job. My current job is as a librarian, which is the perfect position for an arsonist. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

Hm-m," he said. "Lookie, Ma. I been all day an' all night hidin' alone. Guess who I been thinkin' about? Casy! He talked a lot. Used ta bother me. But now I been thinkin' what he said, an' I can remember- all of it. Says one time he went out in the wilderness to find his own soul, an' he foun' he didn' have no soul that was his'n. Says he foun' he jus' got a little piece of a great big soul. Says a wilderness ain't no good, 'cause his little piece of a soul wasn't no good 'less it was with the rest, an' was whole. Funny how I remember. Didn't even think I was listenin'. But I know now a fella ain't no good alone. ↗

— John Steinbeck

#humanity #funny

Getting into a fight with a popular senior. Pissing off a school teacher and the local chief of police. Hanging with two major-league losers." She slapped my back. "Welcome to high school. ↗

— Harlan Coben

#high-school #humor #mickey #shelter #funny