#hum

This is a little awkward," I said, "but my mother just ran over the rabbit." "Ran over?" "As in roadkill. We're not sure what to do about it." "Where are you?" "Giovichinni's, buying lunch meat." "And the rabbit?" "Gone. He was with two other guys. They scooped him up off the road and drove away with him." There was a long silence on the phone. "I'm fucking speechless," Morelli finally said. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

Now get some clothes on before the women around here are driven into a frenzy." He gave me a mournful look. "I'm afraid that'll happen with or without clothes, my dear. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor

Goodnight baby, sleep in peace. After you kill that bitch!" "Goodnight mom! ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#scifi #humor

It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#inspirational #life #humor

Ill-fitting grammar are like ill-fitting shoes. You can get used to it for a bit, but then one day your toes fall off and you can't walk to the bathroom. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#grammar-humor #humor #humor

Amy," Elsie Moore said in her crackling voice, her gaze fixed on Declan. "I want you to get me a new bear. A blond one. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#paranormal-romance #humor

I think that nonexistent mythological creature just broke some of your toes," Jack said. Oh, shut up," said Charles ↗

— James A. Owen

#humor

She threw herself eagerly into the paths of unsuitable men. ↗

— Anne Taintor

#humor

Kim was more than a little inclined to snarl at him, but in the past few days she had learned that snarling at Mairelon did little good. He simply smiled and corrected her grammar. ↗

— Patricia C. Wrede

#magic #humor

The scent of growth, quiet and green, hung heavy in the air. I heard everything. I saw everything. I could count the craters on the moon. I could count every mosquito buzz past, bypassing my tender skin out of respect for a fellow bloodsucker. ↗

— Molly Harper

#vampire #humor