#hum

So, that's it? You think I'm just some idiot that fell for your bullshit! Well you're wrong! I fell in love with you, Caleb. I fell in love with your sick sense of humor. I fell in love with the way you protected me. You saved my life!" - Livvie/Kitten ↗

— C.J. Roberts

#livvie #humor

It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #music #humor

I dropped my voice and stared into her eyes. I could tell she was trying hard not to look away. I was so furious I could have cheerfully ripped her head off. "But you're going to find out, Mom,' I said very softly."And it's gonna give you nightmares for the rest of your wasted life." Oh, my God, I was so badass. It was all I could do to not give a MWA HA HA! ↗

— James Patterson

#threats #humor

I didn't think about being king,” he said, his voice hoarse. Eddis stared. “Your capacity to land yourself in a mess because you didn't think first, Eugenides, will never cease to amaze me. What do you mean you didn't think about being king? Is Attolia going to marry you and move into my library? ↗

— Megan Whalen Turner

#humor

Just...ate," M says, frowning at me a little. "Two days...ago." I grab my stomach again. "Feel empty. Feel...dead." He nods. "Marr...iage. ↗

— Isaac Marion

#humor

Cats don't need to be possessed; they're evil on their own. ↗

— Peter Kreeft

#humor #philosophy #humor

Do you ever get the feeling that something awful might happen?' James asked me. . . I sat up. 'I'm the awful thing that happens. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#humor

May you get exactly what you want and live long enough to regret it. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#wishing #humor

I've always known I was gay, but it wasn't confirmed until I was in kindergarten. It was my teacher who said so. It was right there on my kindergarten report card: PAUL IS DEFINITELY GAY AND HAS VERY GOOD SENSE OF SELF. ↗

— David Levithan

#lgbt #humor

Dudley had been accepted at Uncle Vernon's old private school, Smeltings...Harry, on the other hand, was going to Stonewall High, the local public high school. Dudley thought this was very funny. "They stuff people's heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall," he told Harry. "Want to come upstairs and practice?" "No, thanks," said Harry. "The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#funny