#hum

I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dad #funny #hilarious #humor #kidnapping

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell. ↗

— Criss Jami

#funny-but-true #hell #humor #introversion #introvert

I wouldn’t even be the “world’s sexiest man” if the planet were populated entirely by my clones.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #planet #population #sexy

Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#drink #drinking #entrepreneur #entrepreneurship #funny

I think it would be neat to meet a man who slept with one eye open, especially if that man was a Cyclops. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny-and-random #humor #sleep #funny

When I die, I want them to bury me facedown and ass up so that the whole world can kiss my ass! ↗

— Julie Halpern

#humor #funny

Whitney Houston’s cover of “I Will Always Love You” was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that made me cry because I associated it with absolutely no one. ↗

— Tina Fey

#humor #whitney-houston #funny

Any lustful fool can love a million women, but only a real man can love one woman cloned a million times. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #funny

If sharks really can smell blood, then I’d imagine they’re all salivating over my erection right now. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #shark #funny

The magician stood erect, menacing the attackers with demons, metamorphoses, paralyzing ailments, and secret judo holds. Molly picked up a rock. ↗

— Peter S. Beagle

#humor #unicorn #funny