#hum

And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#drinking #humor #humor

Get back on the bike and tell me where to go." "I'll tell you where to go," I muttered sourly, and he laughed. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#humor

It's a dirty way to fight, but I'm late for lunch." - Valek to Yelena ↗

— Maria V. Snyder

#fantasy #fight #humor #valek #yelena

What?" Jace was still staring at her as if she'd told him she had found one of the Silent Brothers doing nude cartwheels in the hallway. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

Vimes's lack of interest in other people's children was limitless. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

First, it’s used.” “Now look here,” Teddy Jo growled. “It’s not a Cadillac. It’s a body freezer. The value doesn’t drop because you drive it off the lot.” “I don’t know what sort of bodies you stuck in there, Teddy. You might have put a leucrocuta in there. Those things stink.” “It’s not like the dead gonna care. They can’t smell shit, and they themselves ain’t gonna get to smelling any better. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor

No one told you to call your band Salacious Mold, my friend." "We're Millennium Lint now," Simon protested ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

And vampires never sparkle unless they just ate a stripper. ↗

— James R. Tuck

#vampires #humor

So, you figure they won't notice you're back?" sneered the marquis. "Just, 'oh look, there's another angel, here, grab a harp and on with the hosannas'? ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor

I don’t know how to explain it.” “Try words. If that doesn’t work, we’ll move on to interpretive dance. ↗

— Devon Monk

#humor