#hum

There are none so deaf as those listening to ‘All by Myself’ over and over and over again. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#humor #humor

wouldn't you like to make sure all those millions you give to Uncle Sam went to schools and hospitals instead of nuclear warheads?' As a matter of fact, he would. Playgrounds for big kids, preschool programs to little ones, and mandatory LASIK surgery for NFL refs. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#humor #sports #taxes #humor

Unless you intend to kill him immediately thereafter, never kick a man in the balls. Not even symbolically. Or perhaps especially not symbolically. ↗

— Robert A. Heinlein

#patriarchy #prudence #humor

But she was already in. Gareth couldn't help but stand back in admiration. Hyacinth Bridgerton was clearly a natural born athlete. Either that or a cat burglar. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humor #humor

Is he a scumbag in training?” Richard glanced at the gunman. “At least have the decency to hold the gun properly, you fool. If you don’t know how, pass it to someone who does. I’m not going to suffer being shot at by anything less than a full- fledged lowlife. (Richard) ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#gun #humor #lowlife #scumbag #humor

I bowl like I masturbate: with two hands. I should run for Congress. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #politics #humor

There are some things I don't understand about Jess and never will. No wedding dress. No flowers. No photo album. No champagne. The only thing she got out of her wedding was a husband. (I mean, obviously the husband is the main point when you get married. Absolutely. That goes without saying. But still, not even a new pair of shoes?) ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#humor

I believe my life has a value, and i don't want to waste it thinking about clothing. I don't want to think about what i will wear in the morning. Truly, can you imagine anything more boring than fashion? ↗

— Michael Crichton

#boring #clothes #fashion #humor #rant

He was through playing games. When it cam to Soteria he had no sense of humor what so ever. Anyone who threatened her ended their own life. For her, he'd do anything even end the world. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor

I thought the two ugly ones were sisters, but they got very insulted when I asked them. You could tell neither one of them wanted to look like the other one, and you couldn't blame them, but it was very amusing anyway. ↗

— J.D. Salinger

#ugliness #humor