#hum

Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain. ↗

— Martin Mull

#humor #family

Wherever the family was, these two dogs, both six-year-old shepherd mixes, took up their posts at the central coming-and-going point. Gil called them concierge dogs. And it's true, they were inquisitive and accommodating. But they were not fawning or overly playful. They were watchful and thoughtful. Irene thought they had gravitas. Weighty demeanors. She thought of them as diplomats. She had noticed that when Gil was about to loose his temper one of the dogs always appeared and did something to divert his attention. Sometimes they acted like fools, but it was brilliant acting. Once, when he was furious about a bill for the late fees for a lost video, one of the dogs had walked right up to Gil and lifted his leg over his shoe. Gil was shouting at Florian when the piss splattered down, and she'd felt a sudden jolt of pride in the dog. ↗

— Louise Erdrich

#family #humor #family

Our whole family thrives under pressure. It's like our family motto or something. Apart from my brother Peter, of course. He had a nervous break down. But the rest of us. ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#stress #family

Still, I never heard him say that he hated or wanted to hurt or kill someone for all the horrific things that had been happening to him and his family. ↗

— Savo Heleta

#dignity #humanity #integrity #not-my-turn-to-die #righteousness

You see, insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops. ↗

— Joseph Kesselring

#insanity #family

The person who sat the kid down on the breadboard to cut off thier diaper with a huge knife was the most elderly person in the family, who was blind in one eye..and had the shakes....of course the kids uncouncious, He's lost two pints of blood! ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#family

I, too, like to read. Once a month, I go to the local branch. For myself, I pick a novel and, for Bruno, with his cataracts, a book on tape. At first Bruno was doubtful. “What am I supposed to do with this?” he said, looking at the box set of “Anna Karenina” as if I’d handed him an enema. And yet. A day or two later I was going about my business when a voice from above bellowed, ALL HAPPY FAMILIES RESEMBLE ONE ANOTHER, nearly giving me a conniption. After that, he listened to whatever I’d brought him at top volume and then returned it to me without comment. One afternoon, I came back from the library with Ulysses. For a month straight he listened. He had a habit of pressing the stop button and rewinding when he hadn’t fully grasped something. INELUCTABLE MODALITY OF THE VISIBLE: AT LEAST THAT. Pause, rewind. INELUCTABLE MODALITY OF THE. Pause, rewind. INELUCTABLE MODALITY. Pause. INELUCT. ↗

— Nicole Krauss

#joyce #ulysses #business

A few months after our friendly chat about kids (and my condescending remarks about New York), Mrs. Palin told conservative filmmaker John Ziegler that Katie Couric and I had exploited and profited by her family. But I know better than to respond to attacks in the media. Although if I were to respond, I would probably just sau, "Nice reality show. ↗

— Tina Fey

#family

There’s no need to pay your child’s hospital bills. When the state dissolves kinship ties, everyone will be covered under one family plan. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #medical #socialism #welfare #family

Who’s Beth?” Keri asked. “The bartender at your wedding.” “Oh, that’s right. How could I forget when my husband almost got thrown out of our own reception for trying to hire her like a hooker or something.” “What’s a hooker?” Bobby asked. Keri’s island tan flushed pink. “Oops.” “You put it on the end of a fishing pole, dummy,” Brian explained. Bobby frowned. “Uncle Joe tried to hire a worm? ↗

— Shannon Stacey

#humor #keri #kevin-kowalski #kowalski #family