#hum

She is crazy. Head to head with an ogre. Loony Lolli, Sketchy Dave, Crazy Val. You're all a bunch of freaks." Val made a formal bow, dipping her head in their direction, and then sat on the blanket. Loony Luis, more likely," Lolli said, kicking her flip-flop in his direction. Luis One-Eye," Dave said. Luis smirked. "Bug-head Dave." Princess Luis," Dave said. "Prince Valiant." Val laughed, thinking of the first time Dave had called her that. "How about Dreaded Dave?" Luis leaned over, grabbing his brother in a headlock, both of them rolling on the cloth, and said, "How about Baby Brother? Baby Brother Dave?" Hey," Lolli said. "What about me? I want to be a princess like Luis. ↗

— Holly Black

#humor

That cat was a spy. You had to take a pot shot at it. It was a very clever German midget dressed up in a cheap fur coat. ↗

— J.D. Salinger

#humor #humor

Never, ever ask a former clergyman to say the blessing over a holiday dinner. Not if you like your dinner warm, anyway. ↗

— Mary Kay Andrews

#humor

I spent the afternoon musing on Life. If you come to think of it, what a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor #life #pondering #humor

Lori sat way back in her chair and gave him the once-over. "What in the world's gotten into Ben Lawson? jokes? Flirting? Maybe I should sleep with Molly. I think she's got a magic hooha. ↗

— Victoria Dahl

#romance #humor

Hello, little girl," he said, which was only his first big mistake. "I'm sure you want to know all about hedgehogs, eh?" "I did this one last year," said Tiffany. The man looked closer, and his grin faded. "Oh, yes," he said. "I remember. You asked all those... little questions." "I would like a question answered today," said Tiffany. "Provided it's not one about how you get baby hedgehogs," said the man. "No," said Tiffany patiently. "It's about zoology." "Zoology, eh? That's a big word, isn't it." "No, actually it isn't," said Tiffany. "Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite small. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

I like to make the odd impromptu visit. It keeps management on their toes, wives in their place. You know." He shrugs, his mouth set in an arrogant line. ↗

— E.L. James

#humor

Jace - "Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you'd get dressed up in a nurses outfit and give me a sponge bath?" "Actually, I think you misheard." Clay said. "It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath." Jace looked involuntarily over at Simon, who smiled at him widely. "As soon as I'm back on my feet, handsome." "I knew we should have left you as a rat." said Jace. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

Discretion prevented me from saying that I thought she was a fiend from the underworld and that mountain lions couldn't force me to enter her service. ↗

— Megan Whalen Turner

#humor #humor

Since I came to the White House, I've gotten two hearing aids, had a colon operation, a prostate operation, skin cancer, and I've been shot...damn thing is, I've never felt better. ↗

— Ronald Reagan

#operation #humor