#hum

What happened to your face?' he asked. 'When I was little, my grandmother was making candles and she had a big vat of hot beeswax in the backyard,' she said. 'I walked into the vat.' Usually that ended the conversation. 'I don't remember it,' she added. 'How old were you?' he asked. She tilted her face slightly, watching him. 'Ten months.' 'You were walking at ten months?' he asked. 'Not very well, apparently,' she said dryly. ↗

— Caragh M. O'Brien

#humor

Taylor Markham," said Raffaela, "I'm going to say a prayer for you." And although I wanted to mock her and explain I didn't believe in anything or anyone, I realised that no one had ever prayed for me before. So I let her. ↗

— Melina Marchetta

#humor

But he won’t let the pain blot out the humor no more’n he’ll let the humor blot out the pain. ↗

— Ken Kesey

#pain #humor

His eyes widened just a bit, his lips flexed. I realized he was trying not to laugh. I hate it when people find my threats amusing. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#threats #humor

A cavalryman's horse should be smarter than he is. But the horse must never be alowed to know this. ↗

— Steven Pressfield

#horse #humor #humor

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor

It was strange and amusing...and, honestly, a bit embarrassing...to realize how much being near Bella had softened me. It seemed like no one was afraid of me any more. If Emmett found out about this, he would be laughing for the next century. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#humor

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit. ↗

— Richard Pryor

#humor #religion #vampires #humor

Bones didn’t share any of my qualms about suddenly holding an arm that wasn’t attached to a body anymore. He just grabbed the ghoul by his other arm and began thumping him over the head with the loose limb. I’d heard Bones threaten to beat someone with their own limb before, but I’d always assumed that was a figure of speech. Apparently not. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #humorous #humor

You look disappointed to see me, Zach," Macey teased. "Don't you like my jacket? ↗

— Ally Carter

#humor #macey-mchenry #zach-goode #humor