#hum

You are mortal. You age, you die. If that is not hell, pray tell me, what is? ↗

#city-of-ashes #death #humans #life #mortal

The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedding anniversary, you might not reach your 26th. ↗

— Scott Adams

#humor #marriage #business

Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing but nobody else does. ↗

— Steuart Henderson Britt

#business #commerce #humor #marketing #business

Don’t worry, I’m not quitting. I’ve decided I’m going to stay and make his life a living hell while I run his business into the ground. --Kim to Abe ↗

— Devon Rhodes

#humor #quitting #revenge #work #business

How do you plan to scare people tonight?" asked a hollow-voiced spector. "I'll wait until they sit down to supper, then scream whenever someone sticks his knife in his meat." I'll haunt the bedchambers," said another. "A bloody ax at midnight always gets a good reaction." A ghost with a purplish tinge to his aura spoke next. "I can top both of you. I'm going to dress like a guard and haunt the privy. I'll hide in the hole and when anyone sits down I'll wail, 'Who goes there? State your business! ↗

— E.D. Baker

#ghost #humor #business

Love isn't two matching unicycles. Love is a bicycle—and mine just got stolen.  ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#funny #humor #love #age

I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot.  ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#car #disabled #funny #handicapped #humor

I long for your love like the length of a midget. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #midget #age

I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain. ↗