#hum

I’m bored of this. I want to hear about you. Favorite color. Go.” I laugh. “Green.” “I’m green!” “Fuck yeah you are.” “Why are you laughing? Isn’t this what friends do?” “Interrogate each other?” “What? Uh, sure. I don’t know what that means. But yes. ↗

— Hannah Moskowitz

#humor

Americans like what is easy, and it's easy to like pregnant women - they're like ducklings or bunnies or dogs. Still, it baffles me that these self-righteous, self-enthralled waddlers get such special treatment. As if it's so hard to spread your legs and let a man ejaculate between them. ↗

— Gillian Flynn

#humor

I feel like I might start crying and that I'm going to cry pee. ↗

— John Green

#humor #leaving #paper-towns #pee #young-adult

You again,” she said, and she did not sound happy. “I know,” the warrior replied with a heartfelt sigh. “You’re so lucky to see me twice in one day. You’re honored by my presence, yada, yada, heard it all before. Let’s just move on, shall we. I don’t handle fawning very well. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#humor #humor

Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#humor

Kenzie took two staggering steps backward, staring at the feeline as if in a daze. "O-kay," she breathed, shaking her head slightly. "A cat. A cat that talks. I'm going crazy." she glanced at me. " Or you slipped something into my drink at the tournament. One or the other. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#ethan-chase #grimalkin #humor #kenzie-st-james #humor

I would have been a lot better off if I’d studied more when I was growing up, y’know. But you know where it all went wrong was the day they started the spelling bee. Because up until that day I was an idiot, but nobody else knew. ↗

— Brian Regan

#humor

Across from me at the next row of supports Jim raised his hand and touched his fingers to his thumb a few times, imitating an opening and closing beak. Negotiate. He wanted me to engage a lunatic who had already turned four people into smoking meat. Okay. I could do that. “Alright, Jeremy!” I yelled into the night. “Give me the salamander and I won’t cut your head off!” Jim put his hand over his face and did some shaking. I thought he was laughing, but I couldn’t be sure. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor

It was like the entire world was colluding to make me feel insane, and it was doing a really good job. ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#rory #the-name-of-the-star #humor

I'm jealous of your hooks," Kevin replied. "Having no hands is better than having two equally strong hands." Don't be ridiculous," one of the white-faced women replied. "Having a white face is worse than both of your situations." But you have a white face because you put makeup on," Colette said, as Sunny climbed back out of the trunk and knelt down in the snow. "You're putting powder on your face right now. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#funny #humor #lemony #slippery-slope #snicket