#hum

I never knew she liked country music," Smitty said in awe. Yeah, that must make her prime mate material for a Smith. She'll fit right in at one of your hootenannies." -Mitch to Smitty ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#mitch #smitty #humor

Thats what her cars do," Lula said. "They explode. But I gotta tell you this was the best. This here's the first time she exploded a garbage truck. One time her truck got hit with an antitank missile. That wasn't bad either, but it couldn't compare to this. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

The brains of members of the Press departments of motion-picture studios resemble soup at a cheap restaurant. It is wiser not to stir them. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#movies #press #public-relations #humor

Some police forces would believe anything. Not the Metropolitan police, though. The Met was the hardest, most cynically pragmatic, most stubbornly down-to-earth police force in Britain. It would take a lot to phase a copper from the Met. It would take, for example, a huge, battered car that was nothing more nor less than a fireball, a blazing, roaring, twisted metal lemon from Hell, driven by a grinning lunatic in sunglasses, sitting amid the flames, trailing thick black smoke, coming straight at them through the lashing rain and wind at eighty miles an hour. That would do it every time. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#good-omens #humor #neil-gaiman #terry-pratchett #humor

Noah's mom and dad were academics and socially inept, so Noah had never invited her over to his house because his parents wouldn't like it. And Eden had never invited Noah over to her house because she didn't want him to die. ↗

— Samantha Young

#humor #noah #humor

It comes down to this. Someone must wash the dishes. Now, would you expect a man, man made in the image of God, to roll up his sleeves and wash the dishes? Why, it would be blasphemy. I know that I am but a rib and so I wash the dishes. ↗

— Marie Jenney Howe

#women #humor

I felt the human disease that is ignorance suddenly leave my body. Just like that. Like a hot, desperate piss after a long car ride. ↗

— J.A. Redmerski

#humor #humor

So", says Jack at at last..."you broke up with Connor". Wow. So we're straight to the point. "So", I reply defiantly. "You decided to stay". "Yes, well...", "I thought I might take a closer look at some of the European subsidiaries." He looks up. "How about you?" "Same reason." I nod. "European subsidiaries". ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#humor #humor

Do you really think that I don’t have anything better to do than to spend my time thinking about you? Digging up a little of the goods on Luc Martineau?” Fine lines appeared at the corners of his eyes and he laughed. “Sweetheart, there is nothing little about Luc’s goods. ↗

— Rachel Gibson

#humor #male-and-female #relationships #romance #humor

The tune was wailing and mournful, almost flagrantly so, and the total effect was of a heartbroken piccolo being parted forever from its bagpipe lover. ↗

— Peter S. Beagle

#humor #music #humor