#hum

I do not know what it was about that boy but just looking at him, even I wanted to clout him on the head. It was a head that invited violence. ↗

— Patrick deWitt

#funny #humor #funny

The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#economics #humor #money #humor

I dived for it, caught it three inches above the cement, and found myself face-to-face with the salamander. Ruby-red eyes regarded me with mild curiosity, black lips parted, and a long, spiderweb-thin filament of a tongue slithered from the salamander’s mouth and kissed the sphere’s glass in the reflection of my nose. Hi, I love you, too. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor

Those with all the answers have not asked enough questions. ↗

— Belva Rae Staples

#humor-inspirational #humor

Who're you supposed to be, Creflo Dollar's Mini-Me? ↗

— Beverly Jenkins

#humor

A brick could be used to raise your status as an upstanding citizen. Don’t get too excited, though. It’ll only raise you up about three inches.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

When the mind is free, magic happens. ↗

— C.G. Rousing

#humor #law-of-attraction #new-adult #new-thought #paranormal

Oh you've redecorated! I don't like it. ↗

— Doctor Who

#doctor-who #eleventh-doctor #humor #matt-smith #sci-fi

You know, just sit in the corner and glare at him the whole time. See if he crumbles.” “I’ve seen your hard-ass face, Tuck,” Charlie said. “Mostly, you just look constipated. Ford, you’d better do the glaring. ↗

— Julie James

#humor #humor

When life hands you lemons say, "Lemons? What else have you got?" - bumper sticker ↗

— Darynda Jones

#life-lessons #humor