#hum

From time to time, you may see a girl wearing her black opaque tights as pants. They are, in fact, not. ↗

— Nina Garcia

#fashion #humor #pants #style #tights

Personally, I prefer Stevie Wonder," confessed the Chink, "but what the hell. Those cowgirls are always bitching because the only radio station in the area plays nothing but polkas, but I say you can dance to anything if you really feel like dancing." To prove it, he got up and danced to the news. ↗

— Tom Robbins

#passion #philosophy #humor

What is [insert name here]? Does it taste good? ↗

— Ken Akamatsu

#humor #love #su #turtle #humor

Mickey Cray had been out of work ever since a dead iguana fell from a palm tree and hit him on the head. ↗

— Carl Hiaasen

#humor #humor

Thats what her cars do," Lula said. "They explode. But I gotta tell you this was the best. This here's the first time she exploded a garbage truck. One time her truck got hit with an antitank missile. That wasn't bad either, but it couldn't compare to this. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

The brains of members of the Press departments of motion-picture studios resemble soup at a cheap restaurant. It is wiser not to stir them. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#movies #press #public-relations #humor

Some police forces would believe anything. Not the Metropolitan police, though. The Met was the hardest, most cynically pragmatic, most stubbornly down-to-earth police force in Britain. It would take a lot to phase a copper from the Met. It would take, for example, a huge, battered car that was nothing more nor less than a fireball, a blazing, roaring, twisted metal lemon from Hell, driven by a grinning lunatic in sunglasses, sitting amid the flames, trailing thick black smoke, coming straight at them through the lashing rain and wind at eighty miles an hour. That would do it every time. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#good-omens #humor #neil-gaiman #terry-pratchett #humor

I didn't do it,' he insisted. 'Then why did you run?' Sabrina asked. 'And send rabbits to eat us! I'm a seven-year-old girl,' Daphne said. 'Do you know how important bunny rabbits are to me? ↗

— Michael Buckley

#humor

You can't wish for more wishes or for vague generalities like happiness that are impossible to grant. Your wish has to be something specific enough that I can use my wand to make it happen. Oh, and recently there's been a ban on inserting yourself into the Twilight series. The Cullens are tired of different teenage girls pinging into their story every time they turn around. ↗

— Janette Rallison

#magic #twilight #wishes #humor

He had threatened my parents. I had to remember that. Still, it was really hard to stay mad at a wounded naked man. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#men #nakedness #humor