#hum

Fiction was invented the day Jonah arrived home and told his wife that he was three days late because he had been swallowed by a whale.. ↗

— Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

#humor #lying #on-fiction #writing #humor

What do you think they're going to do to us when they find us guilty?" she says after a few minutes of silence have passed. "Honestly?" "Does now seem like the time for honesty?" I look at her from the corner of my eye. "I think they're going to force us to eat lots of cake and then take an unreasonably long nap. ↗

— Veronica Roth

#guilty #humor #naps #trial #humor

Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares! ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#foaly #humor #humour #humor

A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor #melancholy #wit #humor

I like to think I'm helping them by hating them. I'm reminding them that they aren't God's gift to humankind. ↗

— Veronica Roth

#sassy #humor

Lynn, she saved half our faction from this stuff," says Marlene, tapping the bandage on her arm from where the Dauntless traitors shot her. "Well, half of half of our faction." "In some circles they call that a quarter, Mar," Lynn says. ↗

— Veronica Roth

#math #humor

A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor #on-writing #wit #writing #humor

And before you barrel through some idiotic Cosmo girl list of how-well-do-you-know-your-man questions, let me say that I don't know squat about him except that he kisses like a god and screws like a devil. ↗

— Kristin Hannah

#women #humor

Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#colfer #colony #demons #eoin #fowl

His eyes widened just a bit, his lips flexed. I realized he was trying not to laugh. I hate it when people find my threats amusing. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#threats #humor