#hum

I’ll be real discreet,” Tank said. As discreet as a six-foot-six, no-neck guy weighing three hundred and fifty pounds, all dressed in black SWAT clothes, with a Glock holstered at his side could be. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

And Nedley started saying,'Shut Up!Quit that! And i knew it really meant something to him. So I asked for his help,"Mark said. "Don't tell the story like that," Nedley laughed. "What he said was 'Quit pretendin you're a bad guy I need your help, and I need it now! ↗

— Margaret Peterson Haddix

#humor #humor

The cartoon me writes the books cartoon people read in the cartoon world, because they need things to read there too. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#gaiman #humor #neil #humor

Galladon paused for a moment, then laughed. "Does nothing frighten you, sule?" "Actually, pretty much everything here does—I'm just good at ignoring the fact that I'm terrified. If I ever realize how scared I am, you'll probably find me trying to hide under those cobblestones over there. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor

Fate has a twisted sense of humor. ↗

— Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

#humor #ironic #humor

Never underestimate the allure of the Goodwill. ↗

— Stacey Jay

#humor #shopping #humor

You freaking bit me," I said, my voice hoarse. "You're lucky I don't call animal control. ↗

— Jayde Scott

#humor #jayde-scott #vampire #humor

She never saw the point of making fun of strangers – how could you possibly know enough about them to hit below the belt? ↗

— Daniel Marks

#humorous-quotations #sarcasm #humor

´Wonderful´, the Flatline said,´I never did like to do anything simple when I could do it ass-backwards.´ ↗

— William Gibson

#humor

The bat was looking at Theo and Theo was having trouble following his own thoughts.The bat was wearing tiny sunglasses.Ray Bans,Theo could see by the trademark in the corner of one lens."I'm sorry, Mr.,uh- Case, could you take the bat off your head.It's very distracting." Him." Pardon?" It's a him.Roberto.He no like the light. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor #humor