#hum

Baravetto was unconscious when we found him," Hi said. "What'd you do to the guy?" "Kicked him in the balls, then brained him with a rolling pin. Twice. ↗

— Kathy Reichs

#virals #humor

Hand me my pants, ↗

— Michael Grant

#random #humor

It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor

All of our lives suck right now, okay? You might think yours is an extra special sparkly rainbow unicorn fart type of suck, but it’s not. Just get on with it! ↗

— Lia Habel

#humor

They stuff people’s heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall,” he told Harry. “Want to come upstairs and practice?” “No, thanks,” said Harry. “The poor toilet’s never had anything as horrible as your head down it — it might be sick.” Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he’d said. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #humor

I do not like work even when someone else is doing it. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor

I ran this through my "girl talk" translator and said, "I could eat him, if either of you'd like. Seems like it might be the easiest thing to do." -Bram to Nora & Pamela ↗

— Lia Habel

#humor #nora-dearly #humor

As for monkeys, I would have five, and they would be named: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Do Pretty Much Whatever The Hell You Want, and Expensive Attorney. ↗

— Tad Williams

#humor

Would you mind repeating that? I'm afraid I might have lost my wits altogether and just hallucinated what I've longed to hear. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#love #humor

This book was written using 100% recycled words. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#environmentalism #humor #humor