#hum

It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#imagination

No...I...I had this spicy Mexican food last night. It's only a bad case of heartburn. I don't need an exorcism. i need some Pepto-Bismo! ↗

— Michelle Rowen

#food

I live for a woman who scratches, just make sure to keep it on the back, baby, I dont like scars." ~Otto Carvalletti ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor

At noon I observed a bevy of nude young native women bathing in the sea, and I went and sat down on there clothes to keep them from being stolen. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor #humor

Sex drives the world and sex in on every human mind, be it a prophet or be it a saint, history has full of evidences. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#sex #humor

The first thing you find out when yer dog learns to talk is that dogs don't got nothing much to say. About anything. "Need a poo, Todd." "Shut up, Manchee." "Poo. Poo, Todd." "I said shut it. ↗

— Patrick Ness

#knife-of-never-letting-go #manchee #todd #humor

Foget Murphy's Law. Nixe's Law: if you were waiting to make a left turn, there was always one oncoming fucktard who sailed through on the red. ↗

— Mary Hughes

#humor

Jenny: But surely Lord Blakely could not abandon his estates for so long. Gareth: No. Lord Blakely could not. Not unless he had someone he could trust to run his estates in his absence. And Lord Blakely...Well, Lord Blakely did not trust anyone. Jenny: Lord Blakely is talking about himself in the third person, past tense. Its disturbing. ↗

— Courtney Milan

#romance #third-person #humor

Comedy breaks down walls. It frees us for just a moment from the ugliness of this world. ↗

— Goldie Hawn

#humor

So the Myan calendar ends in 2012. So what? My calendar ends in December. I just buy a new one. ↗

— Mr. Youngblood Geography teacher

#humor