#hum

The fortifications have never been attacked, nor has any sane man ever proposed any reason why they should be attacked. They have never defended anything. Fourteen hundred persons are said to have died while building them. Of these fourteen hundred, about half are said to have been executed in public for substandard zeal. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#humor #vonnegut #zeal #humor

It's a certainty, but it just might work. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

Besides—only people from Arelon are taken by the Shaod. It an take Teoish people, but only if they're living in Arelon at the time. Oh, and it takes the occasional Dula as well." "I hadn't noticed. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor

Fuel-efficient my big engine is not. I drove 38 miles and burned through more than a quarter-tank of expensive premium gas. Every time I accelerated I could sense a Saudi Arabian somewhere was smiling. ↗

— C.D. Payne

#humor

If you put that straight jacket on me, I am going to pull your endocrine system out of your body. ↗

— Gary Busey

#humor

They were going to expel me. Mom convinced them not to... and got them to apologize," Fern said, almost embarrassed. Really?" Eddie said. "See, Sammy, you don't mess with the Commander, do you?" Eddie playfully hit his younger brother in the stomach with the back of his hand. When the Commander says jump...," Sam started. We say, 'yes ma'am, how high?'" Eddie ended with a forehead salute. ↗

— Jennifer Anne Kogler

#humor #humor

To Serve and Protect..."- Traditional Motto of Protection Rackets ↗

— Robert Lynn Asprin

#humor

I wana go out like I came in... Naked and Screaming! ↗

— Christopher Baker

#humor

Aaron was so gay he walked with a lisp... ↗

— Edward D. Padilla

#humor

I closed my eyes and resigned myself to the fact that my boyfriend was a pervert. He was lucky he was so cute. ↗