#hum

Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention." [Shrub Flubs His Dub, The Nation, June 18, 2001] ↗

— Molly Ivins

#george-w-bush #humor #politics #presidents #texas

To think I should have lived to be goodmorninged by Belladonna Took's son, as if I was selling buttons at the door! ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#morning #humor

Rachel knew what she was doing. And when she didn't, she could improvise on the fly, coming up with options that left a lot of collateral damage but usually only hurt herself, not the people around her. It was one of the things he would never admit that he admired about her. ↗

— Kim Harrison

#into-the-woods #jenks #paranormal #rachel-morgan #romance

Oh confound that gray-and-scarlet suit!" Sophie said. "I refuse to believe that I was the one that got caught with it! ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#love #humor

Hang on," Sadie said. She stomped right up to the throne. Ammit growled at her, but Sadie growled back, which confused the monster into silence. "What are you?" she demanded. "My dad? Osiris? Are you even alive?" Dad looked at Anubis. "What did I tell you about her? Fiercer than Ammit, I said." "You didn't need to tell me." Anubis's face was grave."I've learned to fear that sharp tongue." Sadie looked outraged. "excuse me? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #osiris #sadie #humor

Thankfully,two old friends stood next to the throne. Horus wore full battle armor and a khopesh sword at his side.is kohl-lined eyes-one gold, one silver-were as piercing as ever. At his side stood Isis in a shimmering white gown, with wings of light. "Welcome," Horus said. "Um, hi," I said. "He has a way with words," Isis muttered, which made Sadie snort. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#horus #humor #isis #sadie #humor

Icy glares from vampires are far icier than icy glares from people and when the vampire giving you an icy glare is originally from Iceland, you're confronted with the archetypal origin of the term, and you shouldn't be surprised if your core body temperature drops a few degrees. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#humor #humor

Sable hair bisected his pecs and arrowed down to the straight and unequivocal statement of his returned interest. Forcing my gaze to his face, I said, "I really don't think we have time for that." "You know that, and I know that, but HE doesn't believe it." "Believe it," I told HIM. J.X.'s mouth tugged into one of those heart-stopping smiles. "Maybe you should whisper in his ear. ↗

— Josh Lanyon

#romance #humor

Babies don't come with instruction booklets. You'd learn the same way we all do -- you'd read up on dinosaurs, you'd Google backhoes and skidders. And you don't need a penis to go buy a baseball glove. ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#humor #life #parenting #humor

It's because you're like that that you're still a virgin, you know. ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#humor #kyo #manga #natsuki-takaya #uotani