#hum

People who practice freedom of expression are terrorizing our grammatical way of life. ↗

— Bauvard

#freedom #funny #grammar #humor #terrorism

Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes. ↗

— Bauvard

#gender #humor #men #prostitution #royalty

Your level of neuroses will only find love in a made-for-TV movie. ↗

— Michelle Hodkin

#funny #humor #funny

Coach," Annabeth said, "it was an accident. We were talking, and we fell asleep." "Besides," Percy said, "you're starting to sound like Terminus." Hedge narrowed his eyes. "Is that an insult, Jackson? 'Cause I'll-I'll Terminus you, buddy! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #lol #percy-i-love-you-bye #roman #terminus

He let you have the pants anyway?" she asked. I had started talking about Maxon as soon as I could, eager to know how their conversation had gone. "Yeah. He was very generous about it all." "I think it's charming that he's a good winner." "He is a good winner. He's even gracious when he's gotten the raw end of things." Like a knee to the royal jewels, for example. ↗

— Kiera Cass

#funny

If everyone were a parasite on society, that would just be too many artists to support. That's why I'm glad I have friends and relatives. Someday, I might even be grateful to have them. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #parasitism #funny

I told you I didn’t want to go. Of course, I really did want to go, but I just said I didn’t want to go so you’d beg me to go and I could feel needed. I’m needy like that. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #needy #funny

I'm a whore!" Miki hit the brakes...her hands.. gripping the steering wheel, glanced at Sara. "You're not wearing any underwear, are you?" Sara let out a strangled squeal... ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#humour #paranormal-romance #sexy #funny

A wit must stain himself with perspiration to become dry. When enough suits are ruined, he will be a tsunami of sand. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #wit #funny

Do you think the Bible is accurate? I mean, do you think it's real?" " I think Pastor Calvin is hot. In a fortysomething way. That pretty much sums up my religious conviction ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#humor #vee #funny