#hum

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? ↗

— Steve Wright

#life #humor

I respect your right to hold your religious beliefs, and if they help you, I think that's great. I would, however, like to inform you that you are a raving kook. ↗

— Scott Dikkers

#humor

Dammit, Dresden, if you want to know about me, wait for the autobiography like everyone else. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #jared-kincaid #humor

Her eyes winded. "I'm becoming addicted to you?." He raised an eyebrow. "You say it like it's a bad thing. ↗

— Michelle Rowen

#humor

It was Will, filling the doorway with his lanky, broad-shouldred frame. His blue eyes where thunderous. "What are you doing here?" he demanded. So much for the brief peace they had achieved the night before. "I am practicing," Cecily said. "You told me I would get no better without practice." "Not you. Gabriel Lightworm over here." Will jerked his chin toward the other boy. "Sorry. Lightwood. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#gabriel-lightwood #humor #will-herondale #humor

It was only when Shona, in sheer fury, turned the carnivorous sheep among them that they moved. They ran, some of them with charming little white sheep attached to their legs or backsides and the rest shouting about monsters. ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#humor

How wonderful," he purred. "I've been longing to speak to you for days, Princess Cecelia." "And I've been wanting to kick you in the shin for days. ↗

— Jessica Day George

#kick #scary-comment-backfired #shin #humor

Yes, Harry Potter!” said Dobby at once, his great eyes shining with excitement. “And if Dobby does it wrong, Dobby will throw himself off the topmost tower, Harry Potter!” “There won’t be any need for that,” said Harry hastily. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humor #humor

I want to concoct an invention I’ll call the “Portable Mass Hysteria Modulator,” which will manipulate markets from greed to fear, and conversely, fear to greed. Not only will this device help me make a fortune, and come equipped with a metal clip that enables it to affix itself onto your car’s sun visor, but it will also be able to open and close your garage door. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#greed #humor #humor

I looked up to find a slim blond figure standing in the doorway to the kitchen. For a frozen second, I looked at him and he looked at me, and then I screamed and threw my coffee, which hit him square in the groin. ↗

— Karen Chance

#humor