#hum

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes. ↗

— Steven Winterburn

#assholes #depression #humor #humour #low-self-esteem

We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.' --Skulduggery Pleasant ↗

— Derek Landy

#skuldugerry-pleasant #humor

Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, "So, you're back from Moscow, eh? ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#misfortune #sombre-mood #humor

No' is a magical word," he told her. "Here's how it goes. You say, 'Simon, I have an insane, suicidal plan. Would you like to help me carry it out?' And I say, "Why, no. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#simon #humor

Marcus looked down. “Ah, man! This was my favorite shirt. Who tore it?” he asked, trying to pull the ragged edges together. ↗

— Ripley Patton

#comedy #humour #life-and-living #anger

We love ourselves notwithstanding our faults, and we ought to love our friends in like manner. ↗

— Cyrus the Great

#frienship #humor #life #love #philosophy

That is like throwing two virgins into a bed. Enthusiasm, passion, and ignorance are not a good combination. Someone is likely to get hurt. ↗

— Patrick Rothfuss

#humor

Prison is like high school with knives. ↗

— Raegan Butcher

#prison #prisoners #humor

Donit kill her now, just when we've gone to all that trouble to rescue her," said Jeffrey. ↗

— Jeanne Birdsall

#family #humor #family

I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I didn’t have that much time. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor