#hum

It doesn’t matter if I don’t have a suit, you should still invite me swimming. That’s the naked truth. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #truth #funny

Yeah, this is night Dudders. This is what we call it when it goes all dark like this! *Dudley goes bright red* I mean when you're in bed! Whatdya mean? Am I supposed to be scared of pillows or something? ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humor #magic #funny

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#funny #humor #funny

Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #boundaries #cartographer #funny #humor

The silence protrudes like an engorged stomach, while I ponder the thought of trying to sit on my own lap. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #ponder #surreal #thought

A good quote should inspire individuals to go lower the world's population one person at a time. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #inspiration #quotes #funny

POZZO: I am blind. (Silence.) ESTRAGON: Perhaps he can see into the future. ↗

— Samuel Beckett

#funny #future #humor #pessimism #funny

When someone gives me either a democratic or republican pamphlet, I throw it in their face. I’m a librarian, damn it! We only take book donations. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #politics #funny

Quote: a banal proverb that is considered profound when uttered by a celebrity. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #quotes #funny

Right. Because if you have trouble putting ketchup and mustard on a hot dog, you should totally move on to saving lives. ↗

— Huntley Fitzpatrick

#humour #romance #young-adult #young-adult-romance #funny