#hum

Leaving us with Eric is like hiring a babysitter who spends his time sharpening knives. ↗

— Veronica Roth

#humor

If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the "Fuck you" signs in the world. It's impossible. ↗

— J.D. Salinger

#holden #humor #signs #humor

Claire, did I invite you to my barbeque?" Massie asked, her neck tilting to the right and her arms tightly crossed. "Huh? No. I mean, I don't know," Claire said. "Then why are you all up in my grill?" Massie said through her teeth. ↗

— Lisi Harrison

#humor #humor

In my world, I am one of the luckiest humans alive. ↗

— Alexander Dale Oen

#am #humans #i #i am #luckiest

The only French word I know is oui, which means “yes,” and only recently did I learn it’s spelled o-​u-​i and not w-​e-​e. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#humor #humor

From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor

You leave me tied up like a dog? Then you had better remember that this bitch bites! ↗

— Kresley Cole

#humor

You can swim, too." he says. "Where did you learn that in District Twelve?" "We have a very big bathtub. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#humor

I've committed to nothing...and that's just suicide...by tiny, tiny increments. ↗

— Nick Hornby

#dark-humor #fiction #personal-insight #rob-gordon #humor

Nice dress. Take it off. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#morelli #romance #humor