#hum

The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. ↗

— Lily Tomlin

#life #rat-race #humor

Meow” means “woof” in cat. ↗

— George Carlin

#cats #dogs #humor #language #humor

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor

I really can't think about kissing when I've got a rebellion to incite. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#rebellion #humor

I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed - or worse, expelled. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#school #humor

Rachel: You're a half-blood, too? Annabeth: Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about? Rachel: Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god!...They don't seem to care. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#half-blood #humor #rachel-elizabeth-dare #humor

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of, "Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm! ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#optimist #humor

I guess it’s true what they say," observed Jace. "There are no straight men in the trenches." "That’s atheists, jackass," said Simon furiously. "There are no atheists in the trenches. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace #mortal-instruments #simon #humor

Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor

And next time you're planning to injure yourself to get me attention, just remember that a little sweet talk works wonders. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-and-jace #humor #jace #jace-and-clary #love