#hum

Present company excluded, this looked to be the most pleasant detention ever experienced by mankind. Further proof that librarians should run the world-or a least be in charge of detention at Bathory High. ↗

— Heather Brewer

#librarians #humor

What are you going to do? "Can't say - run for president, write -" "Greenwich Village?" "Good heavens, no - I said write - not drink. ↗

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

#humor #writing #humor

Dagmar tried to stand, and Gwenvael caught her hand, pulling her back down. "You can't leave me. I'm tortured and brooding. You need to show me how much you adore me so I can learn to love myself again." "You've never stopped loving yourself." "Because I'm amazing. ↗

— G.A. Aiken

#egotistical #humor #self-love #humor

I am very much out of my element here. There are moments, listening to the conversations going on around me, when I feel I am going to lose my mind. Earlier today, I heard someone say the words, "I felt at one with the divine source of creation." Mary Roach on a conducted tour of Hades. I had to fight the urge to push back my chair and start screaming: STAND BACK! ALL OF YOU! I'VE GOT AN ARTHUR FINDLAY BOX CUTTER! Instead, I quietly excused myself and went to the bar, to commune with spirits I know how to relate to. ↗

— Mary Roach

#humor #medium #psychic #science #humor

...the primary paradox that man is superior to all the things around him and yet is at their mercy. ↗

— G.K. Chesterton

#humor #humour #jokes #humor

JACK That is nonsense. If I marry a charming girl like Gwendolen, and she is the only girl I ever saw in my life that I would marry, I certainly won't want to know Bunbury. ALGERNON Then your wife will. You don't seem to realize, that in married life three is company and two is none. JACK That, my dear young friend, is the theory that the corrupt French Drama has been propounding for the last fifty years. ALGERNON Yes; and that the happy English home has proved in half the time. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #marriage #humor

I thought about the difference between a mama's girl and a daddy's girl. I decided that a daughter who belongs to her daddy expects gifts, while a daughter who belongs to her mama expects a lot more. Not from her mama. From herself. ↗

— Victoria Bond

#wisdom #humor

Then stop being a know-it-all lionpaw retorted You're not my mentor so stay out of my fur. Lionpaw at Berrynose in Outcast pg 67 ↗

— Erin Hunter

#warriors-cats #humor

Nothing annoys people so much as not receiving invitations. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#invitation #humor

I suffer for birds and fireflies but not frogs, she said, and threw him across the room. Kaboom! Like a genie out of a samovar, a handsome prince arose in the corner of the bedroom. ↗

— Anne Sexton

#humor