#hum

Ichigo: You got that? Huh?! I'm the rescuer, so you just SHUT UP!! Rukia: Wha--wha'd you say? A rescuer isn't supposed to ignore the rescuee! Ichigo: Yeah? And what kind of rescuee complains about the rescue!? Why don't you go sit in a corner and tremble in fear and cry out "Save me! Save me!" like you're supposed to?! Rukia: I do not need saving, and I do NOT tremble! ↗

— Tite Kubo

#bleach #humor #ichiruki #humor

I think life should be more like TV. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothing, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?... Then again, if real life was like that, what would we watch on television? ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor

George Bush isn't Hitler. He could be if he applied himself. ↗

— Margaret Cho

#humor #humor

Fall off your own roof. ↗

— Veronica Rossi

#perry #roar #humor

What's with what you're wearing?" Griggs asks while we stand outside waiting for the others. "It's pretty hideous, isn't it?" I say. "Don't force me to look at it," he says. "It's see-through." That kills conversation for a couple of seconds. ↗

— Melina Marchetta

#humor

I guess the sacrifice of my dignity is the only thing that will save us now. The things I endure for love. The Fates laugh at my torment. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#love #humor

And Flock Rule Number Two is, Don't argue with Max or you'll live to regret it." I spun and stomped out to the clearing, turning back for one last jab at Dylan. "And by the way, you clearly DON'T know me better than Fang does. Do you see Fang arguing with me? No, you do not." Fang rolled his eyes. ↗

— James Patterson

#humor #james-patterson #maximum-ride #humor

Bitten? You mean you're a-" "A werewolf," said the girl. "Like everyone else here. Except you, and the asshole. And the asshole's sister. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #humor #jace-wayland #maia #simon-lewis

Would you like a cough drop Dolores? ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself. ↗

— Steven Wright

#love #humor