#hum

Mmm, butt bagels." Elody reaches into the bag and pulls out a bagel, half squashed, then makes a big deal of taking an enormous bite out of it. "Taste like Victoria's Secret." "Taste like thong floss," I say. "Taste like crack," Lindsay says. "Taste like fart," Elody says, and Lindsay spits coffee on the dashboard, and I start laughing and can't stop, and all the way to school we're thinking of flavors for butt bagels, and I'm thinking that this---my life, my friends---might be weird or screwy or imperfect or damaged or whatever, but it's never seemed better to me. ↗

— Lauren Oliver

#humor

She glowered at him. 'For your information, in the past week, I have been, oh let's see, nearly raped, kidnapped, tied to a bedpost, forced to cough my voice into nothingness-" "That was your own fault." "Not to mention the fact that I embarked upon a life of crime by breaking and entering into my former home, was nearly trapped by my odious guardian-" "Don't forget your sprained ankle," he supplied. "Ooooohhhh! I could kill you!" Another bar of soap flew by his head, grazing his ear. "Madam, you are certainly doing an able job of trying." "And now!" she fairly yelled. "And now, as if all of that weren't undignified enough, I am forced to live for a week in a bloody bathroom! ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humor

Ah! how little knowledge does a man acquire in his life. He gathers it up like water, but like water it runs between his fingers, and yet, if his hands be but wet as though with dew, behold a generation of fools call out, 'See, he is a wise man!' Is it not so? ↗

— H. Rider Haggard

#foolishness #futility #humanity #intelligence #knowledge

They live forever. But many of them are even more lonely and miserable than we are. Why do you think they bother with us? We teach them life's value. ↗

— N.K. Jemisin

#humanity #immortality #life #mortality #life

Because we live in a world under siege,” I say. “Life sucks for mages and magicians- you taught me that. Bad things happen to those of us who get involved, but if we didn't fight, we'd be in an even worse state. None of it it’s your fault, any more than it’s the fault of the moon or the stars.” Dervish nods slowly, then arches an eyebrow “The moon or the stars?” “I always get poetic when I'm dealing with self-pitying simpletons. ↗

— Darren Shan

#humor #humour #humor

Love is wise; hatred is foolish. In this world, which is getting more and more closely interconnected, we have to learn to tolerate each other, we have to learn to put up with the fact that some people say things that we don't like. We can only live together in that way. But if we are to live together, and not die together, we must learn a kind of charity and a kind of tolerance, which is absolutely vital to the continuation of human life on this planet. ↗

— Bertrand Russell

#disagreement #foolishness #hatred #humanity #interconnectedness

Mr Churchill, to what do you attribute your success in life? Conservation of energy. Never stand up when you can sit down. And never sit down when you can lie down. ↗

— Winston Churchill

#humor

This history of culture will explain to us the motives, the conditions of life, and the thought of the writer or reformer. ↗

— Leo Tolstoy

#history #humanity #life #motives #life

And perhaps it was also the case that, for all a lifetime's internal struggling, you were finally no more than what others saw you as. That was your nature, whether you liked it or not. ↗

— Julian Barnes

#life #life

Avoid stock expressions (like the plague, as William Safire used to say) and repetitions. Don't say that as a boy your grandmother used to read to you, unless at that stage of her life she really was a boy, in which case you have probably thrown away a better intro. If something is worth hearing or listening to, it's very probably worth reading. So, this above all: Find your own voice. ↗

— Christopher Hitchens

#writing-advice #humor