#hum

The workforce offers many outlets for personal growth to people of limited potential. You can explore your aptitude for drudgery. Or if you are the creative sort, you can join a corporation and have it come up with your ideas for you. The amount of great ideas corporations have today is astounding. They are far more original than people ever were. In fact, since the rise of the corporation I can’t think of a single person who invented anything. ↗

— Bauvard

#creativity #funny #humor #inventions #jobs

Sickly people infect everyone with pity. It undermines the mutual respect people should have for one another. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #infection #respect #sickness #funny

A woman only drools on a man when she can't swallow his pride. It would be sacrificing her integrity to drool on the furniture. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #furniture #humor #integrity #men-and-women

Aping the lower class will only lead to fatherless children, unusable muscles, and the fear of tomorrow’s sobriety. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #lower-class #poor #working-class

The only purpose in making an appointment is to prolong the anticipation of one's presence. That’s why when I make dinner reservations, I hardly ever show up. It ensures the waiters are doing their job properly. ↗

— Bauvard

#dinner #funny #humor #reservations #servers

One never owns a book. It sits on your shelf in a fine edition like a piece of furniture, and you are its admiring ward until it flies off from you in a time of financial hardship. If it is a tattered paperback, she is your casual mistress you use a few times. If you have read it a hundred times then it is your wife, and a source of infinite mystery. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #libraries #ownership #funny

Someday I want to speckle myself into the sky, to stamp heaven with brand-name originality. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #immortality #stars #funny

The law and a thin veil of insincerity, all that prevents me from strangling an etiquette coach. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #law #manners #politeness

That's about as effective as a windshield wiper on a goat's ass. ↗

— Denise Tompkins

#humor #snarky-quotes #funny

Peace cannot be achieved; they have to be plucked out of their pod. ↗