#hum

You think I'd cheat on you?" I demanded with all the innocent outrage I could muster. "With another guy, no. With a cheeseburger . . . in a heartbeat. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #romance #humor

Nobody can be bad at everything. There’s no such thing as a perfect screwup. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor

Nobody comes here anymore, its too crowded ↗

— Yogi Berra

#paradox #popularity #trends #humor

Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#shakespeare #humor

On the morning in question, she wore white shorts and a pink T-shirt that featured a green dragon breathing a fire of orange glitter. It is difficult to explain how awesome I found this T-shirt at the time. ↗

— John Green

#papertowns #humor

Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please? ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#humor

Welcome to Hell. Here's your accordion. ↗

— Gary Larson

#humor #satire #social-commentary #humor

Listen, street punk. You're a guy, and you're a couple inches taller, and maybe forty pounds heavier, and ooh, you're in a gang. But I've survived ten years of Catholic school, and I will cut you off at your knees without a blink. Do you understand? ↗

— James Patterson

#humor #maxride #ratchet #star #humor

If God wanted a world filled with saints, He never would have created adolescence. ↗

— Susan Beth Pfeffer

#religious #humor