#hum

Afterwards, when it's all over, you meet God. What do you say to God? ↗

My new 9mm didn’t fit my hand as well as my old one, but it was rapidly becoming a familiar weight. At first I’d decided it was okay to wear as long as I shot only at supernatural bad guys who were already shooting at me. Lately, I’d had to broaden that definition to anytime my life was in danger. I was currently leaning toward a slightly more comprehensive rule somewhere between proactive self-defense and the-bastards-had-it-coming, which, if I survived long enough, I intended to blame on my deranged partner rubbing off on me. ↗

— Karen Chance

#humor #karen-chance-sarcasm #humor

Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life. ↗

— Bauvard

#execution #funny #humor #death

Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing. ↗

— Scott Adams

#timing #age

... you have not asked me, for instance, what is my favourite flavour of jam, to check that I am indeed Professor Dumbledore, and not an imposter." [...] "For future reference, Harry, it is raspberry ... although of course if I were a Death Eater, I would have been sure to research my own jam-preferences before impersonating myself. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#death

Not all. Some of them he probably lectured to death. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#true #death

I don't know whether to be proud or appalled that danger, blood and death inspire you so. ↗

— Samantha Young

#danger #death #humor #inspiration #death

What police officer would dare ticket Death's minivan? ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#death

A dramatist is one who believes that the pure event, an action involving human beings, is more arresting than any comment that can be made upon it. ↗