#hum

Lucifer's bouncing balls, Kitten, not again!" Uh-oh. I squirmed, instinctively also trying to block Tony's body from his view. As if that made him any less dead. "She was going to stab you," I said in my defense. "Look in her hand!" He was looking at the ground near my feet instead. "Him, too?" I nodded, sheepish. "He jumped me." Bones just stared. "You're not a woman," he said finally. "You're the Grim Reaper with red hair! ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#humor #humor

How did you kill the Ashman in the forest last year?” “I shot him with an arrow.” “What kind of arrow?” “A sharp one.” Nate rolled his eyes. “Really, dude? A sharp one? ↗

— Chelsea Fine

#humor

There's not even real *popularity* at my school." "That," Coli said emphatically, "is a sentence that has only ever been spoken by popular people. ↗

— John Green

#nerds #humor

No!" Jimmy protested. - Louis Tomlinson ↗

— One Direction

#humor

I hate women who complain about being fat when they're like a size 5. Anything under size 5 isn't a woman. It's a boy with breasts. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#humor

Tell me what you want, what you really, really want," he said. "Braiiinnnnssss," we said in unison. ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#zombie-spice-girls #humor

I can last two months on a good compliment. ↗

— Mark Twain

#self-realization #humor

I dodged behind Mac for cover and refused to take the bait. I glanced at my nonexistent watch. 'Oops, look at the time. Guess I have to be going now. Let's not do this again sometime, okay?' Before I could move, Pritkin was there, jamming the medallion into the skin of my upper arm.'Ow!'He looked at me expectantly. I glared at him. 'That hurt!' What do you see?' A big red mark, ↗

— Karen Chance

#fiction #humor #romance #supernatural #vampire

the one that can hurt you the most are the one that you really love ↗

— Salman Aditya

#inspirational #romance #humor

Sir Tucker,” I say suddenly, interrupting Angela. “Yeah?” “I believe the correct response is, ‘yes, Your Majesty, ↗

— Cynthia Hand

#humor