#hum

Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched simile. ↗

— Zane Stumpo

#funny #humor #humour #wit #witty

Chomsky is a pencil-and-paper theoretician who wouldn't know Jabba the Hutt from the Cookie Monster, ↗

— Steven Pinker

#humor #humorous-quotations #funny

Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another. ↗

— Elizabeth Eulberg

#ball #formal #funny #hair #high-school

Boys, welcome to the wonderful world of talking to women about their feelings. As a handy primer, here are a few things you should know: 1) Women have feelings. 2) You will spend the next seventy years or so trying to guess what they're feeling and why. 3) You will be wrong most of the time. 4) I like French Fries. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor #funny

Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves. ↗

— Jimmy Fallon

#funny #ghostbusters #humor #leaves #funny

Satisfactory job performance goes against a noble work ethic. Poor job performance goes against a generous welfare ethic. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #job #welfare #work-ethic #funny

A brick can be used as a counting device, particularly if you only need to count up to one.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

What wine goes with Captain Crunch? ↗

— George Carlin

#wine #humor

While she lay there with these old worn thoughts coming obediently into her mind, called there by habit and the familiar quiet of early morning, she was aware that at the back of her mind there was another thought that was not at all stale, but so fresh that it was nearly a feeling, with all a feeling's delicious power to kill thought. ↗

— Stella Gibbons

#recognition #thought-provoking-humourous #thoughts #introspection

Go see old virgins! Now ask a strange boy out, you shy, Retarded thing! ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#humor