#hum

The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god). ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#religion #humor

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. ↗

— H.L. Mencken

#definitions #ethics #humor #humor

I’m sorry, the message said. The theft was a violation of privacy. It was an unbelievable act of impudence and disrespect. Not only that, it was—baffling. He was murderous, incandescent with fury. He was older than sin and could not remember when he had last been in such a rage. He looked at the paper again. I’m sorry I had to take your penny. Here’s another to replace it. Yep, that’s what it said. One corner of his mouth twitched. He gave himself a deep shock when he burst into an explosive guffaw. ↗

— Thea Harrison

#romance #humor

Silver knives! Painful and sometimes deadly to all paranormals!' 'Tasey!' I counterd 'Hot pink and sparkly! ↗

— Kiersten White

#evie #humor #humor

His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#humor #politics #humor

Mysteries force a man to think, and so injure his health. ↗

— Edgar Allan Poe

#satire #humor

I have never heard a lady say 'arse,'" the emperor said mildly. "I haven't been a lady for long," I reminded him. A little demon–made of exhaustion and the emperors smile– pushed me into adding,"For five years I've been saying 'arse.' It's hard to stop saying 'arse' after that many years. I suppose I should stop saying 'arse,' since ladies don't say-" "'Arse'," he finished for me. I met his grin. ~Page 104, Eona: the Last Dragoneye, Alison Goodman ↗

— Alison Goodman

#humor #mirror #humor

A true Zen saying: "Nothing is what I want. ↗

— Frank Zappa

#humor

Miss Tarabotti was not one of life's milk-water misses--in fact, quite the opposite. Many a gentleman had likened his first meeting with her to downing a very strong cognac when one was expecting to imbibe fruit juice--that is to say, startling and apt to leave one with a distinct burning sensation. ↗

— Gail Carriger

#humor

Check it out-this is a copy of a painting of a Greek High Priestess named Calliope. it says she was also the Poet Laureate after Sappho. Doesn't she look exactly like Cher?' Wow, that's insane. She does look just like young Cher,' Erin said. Yeah, before she started wearing those white wigs. What the hell's up with that?' Shaunee said. Damien gave the Twins a look. 'There is nothing wrong with Cher. Absolutely. Nothing.' Uh-oh,' Shaunee said. Stepped on a gay nerve,' Erin agreed. ↗

— P.C. Cast

#vampire #humor